i have .nothing. left to give.
no advise to give to you when your lover is gone.
no dates for you to schedule when we can hang out.
no words to confort your heart when its hurting...even though i want to help more than anything in the world.
no talent to show you.
no strength to withstand all these temptations.
no to motivation to do EVERYTHING i have on my list to accomplish.
no confidence at all on somedays.
no nothing.
nothing at all.
this is my pitty party.
i will regret this in a few minutes.
its
already starting.........

light

apathy.
and the sum of its parts.
hanging loosely by a few stings whose tips
i want to cut off quickly
instead of pulling harshly with
the edges left in shambles.
pointless little bugs
fluttering in the lightbulb.
annoying as hell. but im probably much of the same.
damn.
they have WINGS!
and they dont do shit with them.
maybe its symolic.
only...even though the light is beautiful...
its not the only thing to see.
its not the only thing worthwhile.

i have wings to fly and i havent done shit with them.
i need to do something.
bad. bad. badly.

wake up, can you hear me.......

letting go of everything
making plans instead of waiting
for a voice to tell me where i should be
and where i will go.
faith is still in my bones and
holding me steady and containing my heart
from regretting the things i know
could hold me hostage.
pretty houses and greenary.
daydreams and lists and hopes
that overwhelm me to a hault.
im learning to expect less.
spontenaity needs to be a party of this routine,
only that seems really contradictive doesnt it?
i like his style, only the appeal of it all
is that he is a stranger..
that hasn't yet offended me with broken promises.
im ready to find a home of my own
and start doing something worthwhile..
...and leave it all behind..

sometimes i feel the need to be completely despondent.
a complete contradition to what i grasp and hold tight to keep me going every day.