how can you say that
it was disgusting out there
it was beautiful.
nothing stuck to the ground
and the dirt was washed away
the wind was brutal
but it just made
the lovely sounds larger.
and the sleep deeper
and the warmth warmer
and the quiet softer.
and the music calmer.
a red X marks the spot.
i think my hands are salty
and tongues are weird
to have in between your fingers.
im glad i dont kiss by
licking someones face.
i love this dog of mine
and i miss the old one too
lack of motivation
to tap my feet
and mellowed out by
damien's voice.
i need help picking out writings for my book.
i need help picking out photos to put up at work.
i need help starting a business.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
to my best friend.
Some music is best without words.
So darling when you forget the words
Don’t worry. Your fingers didn’t.
You silence them all doll
Out of this tiny vessel so much
Is brought forth that no one can
Deny. You cant hide this
Illumination. It just comes
Everywhere, all the time.
With your butterfly wings and
Your feet covered in stripped
Stockings and ballet shoes
You don’t hide. For some tonight,
It seemed as they saw their
First true beauty
Their hearts screamed for what
You’ve got. No one has to
Get to know you before they
See your beauty inside… it resonates
Through that smile of yours
And flows through your fingertips
And pours out of the
Notes in your voice. And even
Through the nervous little toes
That gently point inward
All of the longing attention is
Swallowed by your humble grace,
Captured in hope and moved by
The peace you bring upon so many hearts.
Pin that hair of yours back
You’ve got people to silence.
Silence is beautiful and that is
What you evoke out of even
The ugliest. Especially me.
Im awed by your genuine spirit.
I adore you girl.
Little vessel, but through,
The biggest you touch, inspire,
Motivate, humble, illuminate.
Oh and did you know that you are funny girl?
You don’t think so, but all I ever hear are giggles, and silenced hearts.
<<<<<>>>>>>>
So darling when you forget the words
Don’t worry. Your fingers didn’t.
You silence them all doll
Out of this tiny vessel so much
Is brought forth that no one can
Deny. You cant hide this
Illumination. It just comes
Everywhere, all the time.
With your butterfly wings and
Your feet covered in stripped
Stockings and ballet shoes
You don’t hide. For some tonight,
It seemed as they saw their
First true beauty
Their hearts screamed for what
You’ve got. No one has to
Get to know you before they
See your beauty inside… it resonates
Through that smile of yours
And flows through your fingertips
And pours out of the
Notes in your voice. And even
Through the nervous little toes
That gently point inward
All of the longing attention is
Swallowed by your humble grace,
Captured in hope and moved by
The peace you bring upon so many hearts.
Pin that hair of yours back
You’ve got people to silence.
Silence is beautiful and that is
What you evoke out of even
The ugliest. Especially me.
Im awed by your genuine spirit.
I adore you girl.
Little vessel, but through,
The biggest you touch, inspire,
Motivate, humble, illuminate.
Oh and did you know that you are funny girl?
You don’t think so, but all I ever hear are giggles, and silenced hearts.
<<<<<
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
so its like this.
its like the dawn before the terrible news
before the pain sinks through your skin
and pours like the rain.
its like the smell after it rains
and the wet roads you cross to get to
that old vehicle that will take your
exhausted body home.
its how the green light
illuminates the tiny water drops
on my side window.
its like the wonder that comes
as to why the streetlights
always turn off when i go
underneath that funny shade of brown.
its like how my mind is so alert
when my body just wants to rest its bones.
its like the feeling when my face tingles.
and also when im sitting on
this bed....
staring...
at that wall with an empty space
longing for beauty to fill its void.
when my eyes are open and wide
and staring, staring..
its like not noticing when your
eyes fade to something else
full of no interest, without blinking.
its like new music in your ears
that keeps you awake in this bed.
its like replaying that
hilarious memory in your head
every time you
bump that big bruise on your arm.
its like how the yellow and red
reflects in the puddles on this dark street.
its like rain instead of snow.
its like waking up and realizing
that some dreams are just
so you can wake up with laughter.
its like feeling every inhale
and exhale and the way
your body moves in rythm.
its like not seeing all of the
letters reflecting on the street sign
but still knowing where you are.
its like laughing really hard
and not having a good enough reason.
its like the embrace of a best friend
after going so long without seeing that familiar face.
its like the thought behind
the gift that you may never have the use for.
its like talking to my dad on the
telephone and knowing his love.
its like the wafting fragrance
from the bathroom after my mom
has taken her bath
and its like the steam covered mirror.
its like glancing at the word
joy deja vu
on my headboad before
my eyes close for sleep.
its like the glitter on the
side of the highway, only
knowing that glitter is glass
from someone elses pain.
its like picking up a friend from the airport
or more so, knowing that
the plane didnt fail.
its like putting a check-mark in that
box on the list of things
that took way too long to finish.
its like knowing that hurt
does subside and the good
never really fades away.
its like learning from somone new.
its like being walked to my car
after a evening of dancing
or more so, knowing that
NOT ALL HOPE IS LOST.
it is knowing, that HOPE is
everywhere, everyday,
you just have to look for it,
search for it,
and sometimes fight for it.
HOPE is ALIVE...
before the pain sinks through your skin
and pours like the rain.
its like the smell after it rains
and the wet roads you cross to get to
that old vehicle that will take your
exhausted body home.
its how the green light
illuminates the tiny water drops
on my side window.
its like the wonder that comes
as to why the streetlights
always turn off when i go
underneath that funny shade of brown.
its like how my mind is so alert
when my body just wants to rest its bones.
its like the feeling when my face tingles.
and also when im sitting on
this bed....
staring...
at that wall with an empty space
longing for beauty to fill its void.
when my eyes are open and wide
and staring, staring..
its like not noticing when your
eyes fade to something else
full of no interest, without blinking.
its like new music in your ears
that keeps you awake in this bed.
its like replaying that
hilarious memory in your head
every time you
bump that big bruise on your arm.
its like how the yellow and red
reflects in the puddles on this dark street.
its like rain instead of snow.
its like waking up and realizing
that some dreams are just
so you can wake up with laughter.
its like feeling every inhale
and exhale and the way
your body moves in rythm.
its like not seeing all of the
letters reflecting on the street sign
but still knowing where you are.
its like laughing really hard
and not having a good enough reason.
its like the embrace of a best friend
after going so long without seeing that familiar face.
its like the thought behind
the gift that you may never have the use for.
its like talking to my dad on the
telephone and knowing his love.
its like the wafting fragrance
from the bathroom after my mom
has taken her bath
and its like the steam covered mirror.
its like glancing at the word
joy deja vu
on my headboad before
my eyes close for sleep.
its like the glitter on the
side of the highway, only
knowing that glitter is glass
from someone elses pain.
its like picking up a friend from the airport
or more so, knowing that
the plane didnt fail.
its like putting a check-mark in that
box on the list of things
that took way too long to finish.
its like knowing that hurt
does subside and the good
never really fades away.
its like learning from somone new.
its like being walked to my car
after a evening of dancing
or more so, knowing that
NOT ALL HOPE IS LOST.
it is knowing, that HOPE is
everywhere, everyday,
you just have to look for it,
search for it,
and sometimes fight for it.
HOPE is ALIVE...
Sunday, April 15, 2007
chivalry is not dead... and my hopes are that it never will die...and my wishful thinking would want to bring it back.
maybe then we wouldnt have so much divorce.
........im sleeping in my bed tonight. not crashing on a couch. im excited.
swing was great...but i still have a long way to go with lindy hop.
santa gets home soon. and i miss herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
there are many ambitions in my head. ones that cost a lot of money to start...
someone want to give me a million dollars?
...only i think that much money would make me feel really uncomfortable.
i dont like having much money.
ill write a real blog next time. not just rambling, unpretty thoughts that come through these fingertips.
my eyes are falling............. f a l l i n g. . . ffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllliiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
asleep.
maybe then we wouldnt have so much divorce.
........im sleeping in my bed tonight. not crashing on a couch. im excited.
swing was great...but i still have a long way to go with lindy hop.
santa gets home soon. and i miss herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
there are many ambitions in my head. ones that cost a lot of money to start...
someone want to give me a million dollars?
...only i think that much money would make me feel really uncomfortable.
i dont like having much money.
ill write a real blog next time. not just rambling, unpretty thoughts that come through these fingertips.
my eyes are falling............. f a l l i n g. . . ffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllliiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
asleep.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
all i have to say is... i hope that my husband knows how to cook... or he really likes cheesy scrambled eggs and toast... because thats the only thing i know how to make really well.
oh i guess i know how to make cereal, tuna, mac&cheese, and... chocolate milk?
haha..thats sad... do guys like girls that cant cook?
oh i guess i know how to make cereal, tuna, mac&cheese, and... chocolate milk?
haha..thats sad... do guys like girls that cant cook?
March 22, 2007
I always think that i write enough of nothing that something little and special will leak out on the page. a few words of inspired thought will sound beautiful in some way. Fifteen minutes of fame? not for me, all i want is fifteen words to touch hearts. Fifteen words to say something old in a brilliant way. Fifteen words of never experienced thought. i want to change someones way of thinking, Not by arguing, or working hard to convince them. But to say things with such conviction that it strikes a chord in a heart. a beautiful chord. One that vibrates the soul.
I always think that i write enough of nothing that something little and special will leak out on the page. a few words of inspired thought will sound beautiful in some way. Fifteen minutes of fame? not for me, all i want is fifteen words to touch hearts. Fifteen words to say something old in a brilliant way. Fifteen words of never experienced thought. i want to change someones way of thinking, Not by arguing, or working hard to convince them. But to say things with such conviction that it strikes a chord in a heart. a beautiful chord. One that vibrates the soul.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
fire it up
i really have nothing to say
but i always feel like writing
even when nothing comes out but nonsense
or absolutly nothing good.
i bought a plane ticket today.
i enjoyed work...and didnt really want to leave.
i took 2 1minute naps, and both times i woke up my mom was standing in front of me with delicious food...haha.
i got my taxes done finally.
the little girl i tutor didnt go to tutoring tonight, and neither did i..
i found out that my grandpa isnt doing very well. my dad is going up to cheyenne to talk to the doctors and see if he really will need chemo or not.
i had good conversation with my brother and mom tonight about fair-trade coffee, and corporate america.
ive listened to crisanta's new music all day.. and it continutes to inspire me.
i miss her already and its only been a day.
im praying for her in my heart.
ive been on this computer a lot today...and its dumb.
i got a text from an extraordinary girl that i love very much..
and i kind of want to go to photography school with her if she goes. in glennwood... but i think its too late to apply..
i cant wait to see amazing people soon...ish.
my eyelids are heavy.
im going to sleep. soon... hopefully...
but i always feel like writing
even when nothing comes out but nonsense
or absolutly nothing good.
i bought a plane ticket today.
i enjoyed work...and didnt really want to leave.
i took 2 1minute naps, and both times i woke up my mom was standing in front of me with delicious food...haha.
i got my taxes done finally.
the little girl i tutor didnt go to tutoring tonight, and neither did i..
i found out that my grandpa isnt doing very well. my dad is going up to cheyenne to talk to the doctors and see if he really will need chemo or not.
i had good conversation with my brother and mom tonight about fair-trade coffee, and corporate america.
ive listened to crisanta's new music all day.. and it continutes to inspire me.
i miss her already and its only been a day.
im praying for her in my heart.
ive been on this computer a lot today...and its dumb.
i got a text from an extraordinary girl that i love very much..
and i kind of want to go to photography school with her if she goes. in glennwood... but i think its too late to apply..
i cant wait to see amazing people soon...ish.
my eyelids are heavy.
im going to sleep. soon... hopefully...
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
please be DISPLACED with me
re·sil·ience:
–noun
1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.
they have nothing left to lose.
they have so much more inside of them than i could ever even imagine myself having.
i have everything to lose.
yet i am scared of losing what i have, when the fear they have... is for their life to be extinguished.
how selfish i am. and how pathetic i feel to think how little i have really done with my time.
i am still here in this place. infront of this computer. online. with warm socks covering my feet and a hoodie keeping me warm, a home.
i want to go. if nothing else, to make a friend and to hold a child's hand in a place where there is desperation for help. where there is a need to be filled. a stomach to be fed.
i want to live my life for someone else.
im so sick of living here for me, myself, and i.
im absolutely ready to do something. i dont care if it is one life. or 10.
i dont want to go to have a life changing experience for myself.
i want to go to help, to love, to live for someone else's heart to keep beating.
or more so BEEPING.
my list
i spent last night watching strangers' hands touch
and small feet swiftly glide across
the creaky wooden floors.
i watched expressions of beautiful faces
flow from eyes that reveal the soul
to their fingertips,
to the souls of their dancing feet
even their hip movement had emotion.
i watched people have passion about
something so beautiful
...it moved me
i viewed letting go in the most perfect way.
i experienced kindness of familiar faces.
Jeff buckley's So Real replaced the empty sound
in my car on the drive home down the
2lane street polka dotted with pot holes
10:30. i finally go to sleep at a decent hour
without pills that fool my mind into sleep.
victory in so many ways yesterday.
i do admit. i felt inadequate.
watching these people feel with all
that they have inside of them.
it was a motivating factor that
produced in me a longing to
pursue something in me.
a form of beauty that
i will have to learn. and let go.
i was able to make a list of things i want to do
for the first time.
i could pinpoint some exact things
i want to happen
it made me question, have i been holding
onto the dreams of the past
when they have faded out.
have i been wanting something
that wasn’t complete honesty in my heart.
THESE are the things i KNOW i want to do,
to be, become, that i want to experience...
_learn how to dance, well. but more importantly, how to follow
_open a coffee shop
_do photography full time
_join the peace corp
_learn hip hop
_publish a photo book
_publish a work of writings
_buy a little home to call my own
_travel all the time.. not just once in a while
_live in brazil, africa, new zealand...
_be satisfied with the simple things in life
_have the same best friends when im an old granny
_be a great mom and have a husband as great as my dad is
_take singing lessons
...when i figure out more, there will be more to come
and small feet swiftly glide across
the creaky wooden floors.
i watched expressions of beautiful faces
flow from eyes that reveal the soul
to their fingertips,
to the souls of their dancing feet
even their hip movement had emotion.
i watched people have passion about
something so beautiful
...it moved me
i viewed letting go in the most perfect way.
i experienced kindness of familiar faces.
Jeff buckley's So Real replaced the empty sound
in my car on the drive home down the
2lane street polka dotted with pot holes
10:30. i finally go to sleep at a decent hour
without pills that fool my mind into sleep.
victory in so many ways yesterday.
i do admit. i felt inadequate.
watching these people feel with all
that they have inside of them.
it was a motivating factor that
produced in me a longing to
pursue something in me.
a form of beauty that
i will have to learn. and let go.
i was able to make a list of things i want to do
for the first time.
i could pinpoint some exact things
i want to happen
it made me question, have i been holding
onto the dreams of the past
when they have faded out.
have i been wanting something
that wasn’t complete honesty in my heart.
THESE are the things i KNOW i want to do,
to be, become, that i want to experience...
_learn how to dance, well. but more importantly, how to follow
_open a coffee shop
_do photography full time
_join the peace corp
_learn hip hop
_publish a photo book
_publish a work of writings
_buy a little home to call my own
_travel all the time.. not just once in a while
_live in brazil, africa, new zealand...
_be satisfied with the simple things in life
_have the same best friends when im an old granny
_be a great mom and have a husband as great as my dad is
_take singing lessons
...when i figure out more, there will be more to come
Monday, April 9, 2007
my mind in broomfield..
i got 4 hours of sleep last night.
and not the great, fulfulling sleep.
the tossing and turning kind.
and now i am here, in a foreign place
and familiar objects.
i hear it smells like rain but
i have no windows to see
for myself.
i have the bitter tasts
of espresso in attempts to keep
my eyes open for 4 more hours.
my mind doesnt work in number form
without rest in my body.
why is the light so much warmer and yellow
inside this tiny place?
it always seems to be that way.
..there is this overwhelming desire
to know people and who they are
and where they have been,
and where they are going.
what was their childhood like?
did they love completely?
did they build forts and make
mud pies like i did?
. it scares me .
to think what childhood will be like
for my children and grandchildren.
i dont want them to be addicted to technology.
technology ROBS your MIND of IMAGINATION.
Will my little girl want to be like that
supermodel on the runway,
that famous, over publicized pop sing,
or her mommy?
i get stressed out just thinking about
the AMAZING ability to
shape a childs mind.
there is so much pressure in having children...
i dont want mine to be bitter.
i want them to love with
ALL of their hearts.
i want to be a mom that has
ALL the time in the world for them
even when they are teenagers
and young adults
and dont have time for me..
i want to have mother/daughter talks
that last forever
at our usual old coffee shop
where they know us by name and
make our normal cup of joes.
i want my kids to cherish the "out-dated"
ways of thinking.
i want them to carry on and believe in
the traditional and "old fashioned" way
of doing things,
how to to be loved, how to live.
i want them to have hearts that
break for people when they are going
through hell.
i want them to be faithful friends,
loyal souls.
..... i have to pee so bad it is starting to hurt!!!
3 more hours!!!
2:20pm - people are bitches
2:24pm - people are nice, even thought i cant hear what they are saying
3:12pm - im a fan of good looking guys being nice and having beards
3:24pm - i just checked the time 5 times in the last 2 minutes......
and not the great, fulfulling sleep.
the tossing and turning kind.
and now i am here, in a foreign place
and familiar objects.
i hear it smells like rain but
i have no windows to see
for myself.
i have the bitter tasts
of espresso in attempts to keep
my eyes open for 4 more hours.
my mind doesnt work in number form
without rest in my body.
why is the light so much warmer and yellow
inside this tiny place?
it always seems to be that way.
..there is this overwhelming desire
to know people and who they are
and where they have been,
and where they are going.
what was their childhood like?
did they love completely?
did they build forts and make
mud pies like i did?
. it scares me .
to think what childhood will be like
for my children and grandchildren.
i dont want them to be addicted to technology.
technology ROBS your MIND of IMAGINATION.
Will my little girl want to be like that
supermodel on the runway,
that famous, over publicized pop sing,
or her mommy?
i get stressed out just thinking about
the AMAZING ability to
shape a childs mind.
there is so much pressure in having children...
i dont want mine to be bitter.
i want them to love with
ALL of their hearts.
i want to be a mom that has
ALL the time in the world for them
even when they are teenagers
and young adults
and dont have time for me..
i want to have mother/daughter talks
that last forever
at our usual old coffee shop
where they know us by name and
make our normal cup of joes.
i want my kids to cherish the "out-dated"
ways of thinking.
i want them to carry on and believe in
the traditional and "old fashioned" way
of doing things,
how to to be loved, how to live.
i want them to have hearts that
break for people when they are going
through hell.
i want them to be faithful friends,
loyal souls.
..... i have to pee so bad it is starting to hurt!!!
3 more hours!!!
2:20pm - people are bitches
2:24pm - people are nice, even thought i cant hear what they are saying
3:12pm - im a fan of good looking guys being nice and having beards
3:24pm - i just checked the time 5 times in the last 2 minutes......
ocean clouds
saying things you dont mean
seems to be the trend lately
get my hopes up and then bail.
kiss me then walk away.
stand for something honorable
then change your mind so quickly
say i can call you whenever
then dont answer your telephone
hold my hand
then leave it all to silence
lets promise to call eachother,
then act like we forgot our phone numbers.
things change
...
and i feel at home here... in the middle of nowhere...
can we all just stay true
to the words that we speak so freely
please..
id rather have a no and not anticipate,
than get a yes
and be waiting for you
with hopes high
only to sink to the bottom of the ocean...
im not angry anymore.... its just old news....
seems to be the trend lately
get my hopes up and then bail.
kiss me then walk away.
stand for something honorable
then change your mind so quickly
say i can call you whenever
then dont answer your telephone
hold my hand
then leave it all to silence
lets promise to call eachother,
then act like we forgot our phone numbers.
things change
...
and i feel at home here... in the middle of nowhere...
can we all just stay true
to the words that we speak so freely
please..
id rather have a no and not anticipate,
than get a yes
and be waiting for you
with hopes high
only to sink to the bottom of the ocean...
im not angry anymore.... its just old news....
Sunday, April 8, 2007
for brian
so anxious
TO LOVE. to be completely in love.
so anxious
TO LEARN. to learn how to live a new day tomorrow.
to know somone elses train of thought
MY HEART IS POUNDING
out of excitement and HOPE that
there is so much DEPTH in the every day
and also so much SIMPLICITY.
does simplicity enable you
to go deeper in thought about
the REAL. the TRUE. the things that matter?
"a pretty shoe, a dirty soul"
i wish so much that everyday
could be like this night has been
full of intense conversation full of emotions
and complex feeling.
it makes life WORTH LIVING.
its a breakthrough, its not just a
'so it seems' guestimate
its raw, its real.
even if you realize you are a HYPOCRATE
or a BEAUTIFUL SOUL.
both of which i have found the past few days..
the breakdown of all the nonsense of everyday
is REFRESHING.
i want to hang onto these
feeeeeeeeeeelingssssss
that there is so much MORE to people
than what the BLANK STARES reveal.
i have almost grasped a concept that
i didnt even know was inside of me.
i have learned so much about
who i am and what other
LOVELY SOULS have been thinking and feeling.
i want to go to stella's and
talk over coffee for hours.
about ANYTHING. no actually... everything.
i feel like i have reached a certain level of clarity... and it may
not even be that clear. but. it. is. new.
its stretching my heart to HOPE in a different way than we are
so used to being taught.
i want to write everything in my head down on these pages..
only i cant pin point any of them.
MAYBE
its just that everything is going to be alright.
no matter whether or not
i know where i am going.
is it a peace that i feel?
or is it satisfaction in knowing
that its not in my hands, and really never was.
DO YOU feel what i feel?
do you love what i love?
do you see what i see?
.... if you do... it isnt the way i see it.
you dont have my eyes..
but. you do have many pieces of my heart.
and my heart and mind have been close friends
for a while now.
wake up you're alive
I FEEL ALIVE.
not by feeling happy or amazing,
but knowing that i do feel.
i havent given up...and wont.
TO LOVE. to be completely in love.
so anxious
TO LEARN. to learn how to live a new day tomorrow.
to know somone elses train of thought
MY HEART IS POUNDING
out of excitement and HOPE that
there is so much DEPTH in the every day
and also so much SIMPLICITY.
does simplicity enable you
to go deeper in thought about
the REAL. the TRUE. the things that matter?
"a pretty shoe, a dirty soul"
i wish so much that everyday
could be like this night has been
full of intense conversation full of emotions
and complex feeling.
it makes life WORTH LIVING.
its a breakthrough, its not just a
'so it seems' guestimate
its raw, its real.
even if you realize you are a HYPOCRATE
or a BEAUTIFUL SOUL.
both of which i have found the past few days..
the breakdown of all the nonsense of everyday
is REFRESHING.
i want to hang onto these
feeeeeeeeeeelingssssss
that there is so much MORE to people
than what the BLANK STARES reveal.
i have almost grasped a concept that
i didnt even know was inside of me.
i have learned so much about
who i am and what other
LOVELY SOULS have been thinking and feeling.
i want to go to stella's and
talk over coffee for hours.
about ANYTHING. no actually... everything.
i feel like i have reached a certain level of clarity... and it may
not even be that clear. but. it. is. new.
its stretching my heart to HOPE in a different way than we are
so used to being taught.
i want to write everything in my head down on these pages..
only i cant pin point any of them.
MAYBE
its just that everything is going to be alright.
no matter whether or not
i know where i am going.
is it a peace that i feel?
or is it satisfaction in knowing
that its not in my hands, and really never was.
DO YOU feel what i feel?
do you love what i love?
do you see what i see?
.... if you do... it isnt the way i see it.
you dont have my eyes..
but. you do have many pieces of my heart.
and my heart and mind have been close friends
for a while now.
wake up you're alive
I FEEL ALIVE.
not by feeling happy or amazing,
but knowing that i do feel.
i havent given up...and wont.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
old
we fashion our bodies
to fit the model clothes
to flaunt our bodies
we go and pick out
something that will
best represent our personality
to cover our skin
its odd isn't it?..
we are stuck in these
bodies that we couldn't
pick for ourselves
yet we long to be
free of all our lives.
we want independence
but really, we were
born into these small
little prisons with
absolutly no way to
possibly escape.
.... i made myself cheesy eggs and toast for dinner....but my mind is the biggest distraction so i didnt eat a lot of it...and now my tummy is rumbly again...........
to fit the model clothes
to flaunt our bodies
we go and pick out
something that will
best represent our personality
to cover our skin
its odd isn't it?..
we are stuck in these
bodies that we couldn't
pick for ourselves
yet we long to be
free of all our lives.
we want independence
but really, we were
born into these small
little prisons with
absolutly no way to
possibly escape.
.... i made myself cheesy eggs and toast for dinner....but my mind is the biggest distraction so i didnt eat a lot of it...and now my tummy is rumbly again...........
titleless
insrumental music makes me ponder...it doesnt sway my thoughts one way or another..it just guides them with beauty.
today was..an up and down day.
its hard for someone close to your heart hurt in a way that you have never hurt before.
its hard to not know how to comfort someone enough...but want so badly to help in some way.
memories flood like a damn has broken in my mind, that was holding all of them back... the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful.
its like knowing its going to snow...and prepairing for it...but hoping that it will only rain. because i hate the snow.
how awesome would it be to start a coffee shop. not to get rich or to compete with the ever so popular starbucks... i want to open one souly for the people. the minds, the souls, the perspectives, the dreams, the characters, the troubles, the heart-aches, the joy, the interests of people's lives. i was sitting in a coffee shop with my best friend today and i felt so welcomed. i was sitting on a couch and felt like i was at home...even though it was an awkward place for a couch to sit.
we have so much power inside of ourselves to change the way people feel and think...yet most of the time we are too concerned about ourselves and how we feel that we never stop to realize that that smile you held back could have made someone's heart smile. it might have put a little piece of hope back into their heart that they so desperately needed.
i have this overwhelming longing to know people..
even though some may think im lazy for not going to school right after highschool... i am happy. i absolutly love working where i work. even though it is looked down upon by many people.. the name of it is not the reason i work there. starbucks. i could care less about... i look forward to the regulars. even though i may know them by their drink... i get excited when i get to visit with them for that 5 minutes of their day on the way home from work.
love. i still have no idea what it is. all i can compair it to that makes any sense is "love is patient love is kind, love does not envy or boast, it keeps no record of wrongs, love never fails...." there is more but my bible is upstares.
seeing close friends always makes my heart smile.
i hung out with a really good friend tonight...and i've realized how much ive missed his company.
and seeing another amazing friend of mine be so happy with a new girl... i cant tell you how happy i am. really.. im excited for him. very much.
i love it when my friends are happy. i love sharing in joy for them...
its strang..and i know im using a lot of bible refferences but.. there is this verse that says "rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn for those who mourn." and that couldnt relate to me any better than it does right now.
they are so opposite but i feel like today... it was exactly that.
im learning how to be sensitive... and to just not say anything... just to hold hands and know that thats all that needs to be done.
this is really long...... see what explosions in the sky provokes. man... listen to them. they are absolutly amazing. the earth is not a cold dead place after all...............................................
today was..an up and down day.
its hard for someone close to your heart hurt in a way that you have never hurt before.
its hard to not know how to comfort someone enough...but want so badly to help in some way.
memories flood like a damn has broken in my mind, that was holding all of them back... the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful.
its like knowing its going to snow...and prepairing for it...but hoping that it will only rain. because i hate the snow.
how awesome would it be to start a coffee shop. not to get rich or to compete with the ever so popular starbucks... i want to open one souly for the people. the minds, the souls, the perspectives, the dreams, the characters, the troubles, the heart-aches, the joy, the interests of people's lives. i was sitting in a coffee shop with my best friend today and i felt so welcomed. i was sitting on a couch and felt like i was at home...even though it was an awkward place for a couch to sit.
we have so much power inside of ourselves to change the way people feel and think...yet most of the time we are too concerned about ourselves and how we feel that we never stop to realize that that smile you held back could have made someone's heart smile. it might have put a little piece of hope back into their heart that they so desperately needed.
i have this overwhelming longing to know people..
even though some may think im lazy for not going to school right after highschool... i am happy. i absolutly love working where i work. even though it is looked down upon by many people.. the name of it is not the reason i work there. starbucks. i could care less about... i look forward to the regulars. even though i may know them by their drink... i get excited when i get to visit with them for that 5 minutes of their day on the way home from work.
love. i still have no idea what it is. all i can compair it to that makes any sense is "love is patient love is kind, love does not envy or boast, it keeps no record of wrongs, love never fails...." there is more but my bible is upstares.
seeing close friends always makes my heart smile.
i hung out with a really good friend tonight...and i've realized how much ive missed his company.
and seeing another amazing friend of mine be so happy with a new girl... i cant tell you how happy i am. really.. im excited for him. very much.
i love it when my friends are happy. i love sharing in joy for them...
its strang..and i know im using a lot of bible refferences but.. there is this verse that says "rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn for those who mourn." and that couldnt relate to me any better than it does right now.
they are so opposite but i feel like today... it was exactly that.
im learning how to be sensitive... and to just not say anything... just to hold hands and know that thats all that needs to be done.
this is really long...... see what explosions in the sky provokes. man... listen to them. they are absolutly amazing. the earth is not a cold dead place after all...............................................
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
it's dandelion season
and im excited.
i know something that seems so simple seems so silly for some girl to get so happy over...but honestly.. every time i see one on the side of the road... i smile. not only with my heart, but with my face too.
love isnt everything. but friendship is.
nothing ever works out when you force it...
when you push too hard for somethign to be good.
it will only end up breaking into pieces.
"we are too easliy pleased"-c.s.lewis
i dont want to work in broomfield tomorrow..but i am going.
i have a three day weekend starting the day after tomorrow..and i get to see amazing people.
one imperticular..
where am i going?
i know something that seems so simple seems so silly for some girl to get so happy over...but honestly.. every time i see one on the side of the road... i smile. not only with my heart, but with my face too.
love isnt everything. but friendship is.
nothing ever works out when you force it...
when you push too hard for somethign to be good.
it will only end up breaking into pieces.
"we are too easliy pleased"-c.s.lewis
i dont want to work in broomfield tomorrow..but i am going.
i have a three day weekend starting the day after tomorrow..and i get to see amazing people.
one imperticular..
where am i going?
pretend that you're alive again
love is blind.
a concept that i cant fully grasp
and maybe never will. or, not
so much that, as, how? how
can you trust with everything
inside of you that another
will love you forever,
when their heart is as fickle as the one here before you.
i understand that loving is
a choice as much as it is
a passion... but that seems to
suck the romance out of it all doesnt it?
i guess ill know how to love completely when
it happens right?
but can you wash your face with
unclean hands?
how do all the memories
stop playing over in my mind...
a concept that i cant fully grasp
and maybe never will. or, not
so much that, as, how? how
can you trust with everything
inside of you that another
will love you forever,
when their heart is as fickle as the one here before you.
i understand that loving is
a choice as much as it is
a passion... but that seems to
suck the romance out of it all doesnt it?
i guess ill know how to love completely when
it happens right?
but can you wash your face with
unclean hands?
how do all the memories
stop playing over in my mind...
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