leaf

these scrapes are healing on my hands and the leaves are rustling so loud outside of this bedroom window of mine that it makes me feel like there is a downpour. only there isnt out there, but inside this heart there are so many things that are still without answers and my heart aches. im trying not to let it because the reason is quite silly but, im letting it. the wind thats blowing is making the leaves fall faster and the lack of a telephone ringing beside me is letting this heart down pretty quickly and im just sitting here. a new source of light plugged into my wall and dangling from my ceiling is soft and comforting unlike these words of advice from strangers in hopes to suffice for my lack of knowing. projects are waiting in my garage and books beside me with so many words waiting to be read and journals lacking the ink from my head and im heart sick. im overthinking. im dissapointing myself. over this silly lack of nothing. im talking myself into it and out of it and im replaying all the stupid things ive said for no reason at all...what words did you remember? because honestly... they were all honest, but i rather you have heard the good things. all my hopes are in this waiting and waiting. and im a silly little girl waiting for christmas morning..without having known anything she is getting at all.and the colorado ocean is loud tonight.... and i need it to sooth my heart...