sad to hear out loud and it resonates in my ears that need to be cleared of all of this. all of this frustration and rage of the world and the things that i cant stand that i say or am or once was. needing to embrace the view from the headlights rather than the rear view mirrors that show objects closer than they actually are... especially in this moment. im nothing but a contradiction.and i dont think its quite settled in...but its much better than the first time around and there wont be another time because i know now what i didnt want to accept before... i will never be her. i will never be that kind of beautiful, i will never be that mystery, i will never fulfill that dream and that longing and that feeling that you cant explain. though... i dont know that i wish i could be. because though i wanted to be for some time i need to keep telling myself that it is what it is. my heart knows down deep...its just that sometimes i might have to convince my head. this is when i remember that i believe in God without question. peace that settles in like warmth on a rainy day...
my best friend was born in lincoln nebraska.
