im inbetween stages of my heart.
i calmed myself when my heart was beating so quickly
to the excitemnt of nothing at all but a smiling face.
when i dont let joy overtake the nonsensical moments
the sadness sets in of everything that has come
and has lingered in my heart
it wont evaporate.
like that smoke that you blew underneath that
empty water glass last night.
after the flavored tabacco filled your lungs.
things go as deep as the ocean floor
when you find the time to just realize.
so many days are filled with wondering
the fog of once knowing who and what was once in this heart
i really didnt ever think my heart could keep beating in this state
but it is. and it will keep going.
i dont know about anything.
but i am on the verge of knowing where i will go
everything is temporary and i cant ever seem to grasp it.
left overs in the container than contains much more than just
what i had for dinner last night.
it contains progress that i can do this on my own. ... somewhat.
it contains not knowing if i want to be all alone.
white needs black.
i want to need you.
you.
whoever YOU are.
but i have not a clue.
and i spend too much time worrying
about the You that will probably not
include all these expectations.
